You Know You're Pregnant When . . .

(1) All you can think about for DAYS is a luscious, mouth-watering steak burrito, with rice, black beans, lime juice, Monterrey Jack cheese, onions . . . all perfectly wrapped in a spinach tortilla. Oh, yeah -- and it has to be a FREEBIRDS burrito (cause nothing else is even close to being that good).



(2) You talk your husband into going to Freebirds, even though it is not close to your home, but when you get your luscious, mouth-watering burrito . . . you discover the essence of cinnamon in the flavor of the meat. You're the only one that can taste the cinnamon. And, now, your dream food has morphed into a "make you wanna hurl cause the thought of cinnamon and steak is GROSS" burrito. So sad.

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3) You start having really crazy, crazy dreams about being milked. That's right -- MILKED. Not dreams of nursing your child. Dreams of being hooked up to the modern dairy equipment used for milking good ol' Elsie. Only, in your dream, you don't think this is odd. In fact, it is the most natural thing in the world. What DOES seem odd in your dream, and the reason your dream-self starts sobbing, is the fact that you are apparently incompetent when it comes to milking yourself. The "suckers" won't stay attached and you're left with precious milk spewing everywhere.



4) Two days after your crazy dream, you and your family go to the Houston Rodeo and Livestock Show. You are excited that your Little Lady will get to see many of the elements of farm and ranch life -- the very elements you grew up with. You show her the tractor, the goats, the baby piglets. And then, you see it. The Milking Apparatus from your dream. Without any thought as to who might be around you, you excited yell to your husband, "That's it! That's what I was hooked up to!"

You ignore the shocked looks being thrown your way from the people crowded around you. You don't know them and they don't deserve an explanation.